the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
