the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
