I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize