I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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