She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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