I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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