I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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