I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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