he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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