So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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