she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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