I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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