He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
