let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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