Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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