he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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