you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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