i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
