Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
