I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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