I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
