just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize