you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it glows. i had to have it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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