Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Please, let me fuck your mom
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
