Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
