Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
