Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
