It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
