addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
