There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
