I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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