i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
