Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
