Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
