just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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