and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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