I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
