dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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