Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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