ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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