Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
