If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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