Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
