In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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