I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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