i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
