How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
