Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
