did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
