Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I fill condoms, not promises.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
