How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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