id be glad to
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
