a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How does it feel to date your dad?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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