I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
