It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
