Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
