You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
