just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize