how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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