She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
