You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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