I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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