I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
