I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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