I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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