I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Alive.
So much puke
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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