I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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