I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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