My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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