he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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