Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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