So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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