alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
