We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
