i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
