No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
