If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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