I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
