Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
dude. I can hear the air.
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