It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You ruined the universe
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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