I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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