1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
